I've come a very long way in the last year.
November of last year I experienced one of the most painful breakups ever. Looking back though I know it was what I needed. Not only did God remove me from a potentially bad situation, but he used it to glorify himself. The details of what happen are not important but the lessons I learned from the situation are. I was way too dependent on my relationships with others hoping they would make me happy, that I didn't know how to be happy with myself and my relationship with God. Looking back I didn't think I'd ever be able to be alone and be happy.
Well after the relationship ended I vowed to God and myself to spend the next 365 days intentionally being single and focusing on my relationship with Him. I got this idea from Pastor Andy Stanley's "Love, Sex, and Dating" series where he challenged the men to take one year and focus on themselves and truly dive into their relationship with God. I decided that it actually was something I needed to do for myself as well. Quite honestly this was not the easiest thing to do, but I know it was for the best decision for me. I made this commitment out of hurt and frustration but as time went on I realized that God had set this whole thing in motion so I would take my eye's off the "idols" in my life and place them towards Him.
The first couple months were easy because I was so hurt and mad from the lies and deceit of the relationship that I didn't want anything to do with dating. But as time went on I felt myself become lonely again, wanting companionship.This time however instead of reaching for a guy to fill that void, I began to reach for God. I wasn't going to repeat the mistakes of my past. This time was going to be different. I had a goal in mind and I don't like to fail, so I kept in mind the promise I'd made to myself and to God. I started to find more things to keep me busy and not so lonely. Some of which included more time at church, in bible study and in God's word. Being in Godly settings almost every day of the week is what I felt I needed.
After a while those setting's became very normal to me. I actually began to want more time with my God. Over the months I became less focused on potential relationships with guys and more on my relationship with God. Throughout the year there have been a couple road blocks, I began to think and try to justify reasons: that maybe God didn't tell me to stay single, maybe he was just wanting me to not date the guys I was dating. I was making excuses to have it my way. But every time God said "Nope, I want you single." I eventually learned over time that my relationship with God was becoming more and more important to me, and what a guy thought of me was becoming less important.
This last year has also made me realize more and more the type of person I want to be and whom I'm working on becoming. I've learned a lot about the things I want in not just a dating relationship but in any of the relationships in my life. I've come to the conclusion that I will no longer date just to date, but I will date with a purpose. By this I mean being intentional about how I date. If I don't see a future with someone then there's no reason to keep hanging out due to loneliness or boredom. However I'm not saying I plan on getting married next month or anything. That all falls under Gods timing, which we know even though sometimes it may drive us nut, is ALWAYS perfect.
I've now officially been single for 365 days. I really don't know what God has in store for me next. I'm not sure if it's more day's of singleness or if that special godly man is right around the corner. But what I do know is this: No matter who that man may be, my relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life and that's never going to change. I also know that I'm completely loving my independence, it's something I've never truly experienced before. So when the time is right, I'll be ready and able to be the Godly woman in a the relationship that He wants me to be in.
I don't know what's got in store for my for the new year of my life. But I can't wait to go deeper into my relationship with Him and find out. I know that this last year has really opened my eyes. My career is flourishing, the relationship's I've built in my life are wonderful and the people who I call brothers and sisters in Christ are a huge part of that. God is the main reason I'm able to stand here today and know that I will be happy, regardless of the situations placed in my life. I can only hope that one day He blesses me with a Godly man to "do life with" so to speak. But until that day comes I'm the happiest I've ever been.
