Have you ever felt like you can't breathe? Whether is be because you've swimming and accidentally swallowed too much water, or been punched in the gut and feel like you had the wind knocked out of you?
I feel a combination of all of that right now, I can't tell which way is forward and I certainly don't want to go back. I can head in so many directions right now with my life and I just don't know what is the best way to go. Feels like every aspect of my life is failing to come together. I know the easy solution..Give it all to God! The only problem with that is why do I feel like I should be handling this all on my own. I've shut down emotionally. Everything looks all great on the outside I look like a good example of a young Christan woman, but on the inside I'm fighting to breathe...I know this is just a valley of doubt I'm going through and I need to hold on because it will get better but I'm so impatient that it's beginning to wear on me. Every single day this last week I've waken up in the morning with absolutely no motivation to do anything during the day. I'd rather just sleep when I get into a funk like this because then I don't have to deal with life. I don't have to deal with reality.
The reality is there is nothing wrong in my life, I have a God who forgives me when I sin, and comforts me when I'm weak. I also have a home, a job, a car, my bills are being paid and I have amazing friends and family. I great support system. So why do I feel completely uneasy about life right now? Again, the answer is simple. I'm not putting God first in all I am and everything I have. I read my bible daily and pull out bits and pieces that I'm drawn to. I tithe to my church and I am very active with my social functions. But I still feel empty. This is something I need to focus on, because I know only God can fill that void. So I do know that I need to spend more time with him and less time focusing on every day frustrations.
Last night in small group we were asked to write down the things that we're struggling with and give them over to God. At the end of the evening we drown them in a bowl of His "Thirst Quenching Water" because just like the Samaritan woman, we all believe that the little distractions in our lives that are pulling us apart from God aren't such a big deal. But the reality is they are a lot bigger to God then we play them off to be. Anything that separates us from him is a huge deal.
So how am I going to deal you ask? Well I'm going to start by being more intentional with the time I spend in His word and with him every morning. One of the pastors at my church challenged us from his blog this morning. It's a '30 day Challenge.' Basically we're being challenged to pray the Lords Prayer every day for the next 30 days. Doesn't matter where your at or what time of the day it happens, because that is becoming too legalistic about the whole thing. All that matters is doing it. So I'm going to take the challenge. I'm also going to be more intentional about doing my daily devotionals because I know that I can gain so much knowledge from doing so. Maybe then I will be able to find the peace I've been seeking through the Lord.
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